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Answer» After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a FORM, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft. The mechanics CORRECT the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews
lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only
major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
Remember it takes a COLLEGE degree to fly an airliner but only a high school diploma to fix one...
Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, EXCEPT auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
LMAO!
I didn't know midgets came standard in planes.
Quote from: Griff on August 21, 2009, 06:45:06 PM LMAO!
I didn't know midgets came standard in planes.
I should think that normally they would need to buy a ticket.There's a few my mother sent me.
[attachment deleted by admin]A couple of more from mother.
[attachment deleted by admin]LOL
very funnySo, Q, we are to assume your mother (lovingly) followed the examples on the right side of the diagrams?
Quote from: Aegis on August 22, 2009, 03:25:08 AMSo, Q, we are to assume your mother (lovingly) followed the examples on the right side of the diagrams?
That would explain much, wouldn't it. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Are those real? The gripe sheet things?
Quote from: computeruler on August 22, 2009, 02:45:37 PMAre those real? The gripe sheet things?
The 'Gripe Sheets' are definetely real. Whether or not those particular ones were actually filled out as anything more than a joke, I couldn't say.
much betterlol lol lolMy favourite gripes were the missing engine, funny handling and humming radar.
Here's something funny:
Guy: Oh, FINALLY! I've been waiting in a tech support que (another word for line; unknown spelling) for over an hour!
"Techie": Loser.
Guy: Can I speak to your superior?
"Techie": There's some religious debate on that question.
[END]
Try and guess what it's from. I'll give you a hint. If you have an iPod (any kind) and download podcasts from the comedy section you could know this.
Quote
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
this one may actually be real
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